This post was a submission by Alexis Lynch, Licensed Mental Health Counselor. See below for information on how to get scheduled with her for individual or couples work.
You’re sitting in the living room, blanket over your head, pretending to be batman, making fun noises that go along with being a superhero in Gotham, and repeating, “I’m Batman.” From across the house you hear, “Why do you insist on making so much noise? Can’t you play quietly?! You’re a girl anyway; why don’t you play school or dress up? Batman is for boys.” You stop playing, throw the blanket off, and think, “Maybe she’s right.”
This child, adolescent, or teenager was having fun expressing themselves as a superhero, exploring their internal world, but to the parent it just sounds like noise. The parent may even wish the child would just stay quiet and fit in with neurotypical standards. This leads to the child “masking,” or covering up, who they are and instead doing what they think they should be doing.
In the above example, the young person is using imaginative play to explore their inner world and connect it to their perceived environment. Being able to utilize this creative roleplaying helps them process their environment, learn to make decisions, and engage from a different perspective, the latter of which is known as “The Batman Effect. The Batman Effect shows using imaginative play assists in developing perseverance and empathy for others. According to a 2016 research study in the Journal of Psychology, when kids made a decision based off another’s point of view, they were more likely to make a better choice and exhibit self-control1 . Furthermore, allowing a young person to use their imagination to make sense of the world helps to develop their sense of identity and belonging. The absence of a sense of belonging can lead to feelings of anxiety and depression, which may contribute to self-esteem issues because of the constant state of masking their true selves.
Masking can be detrimental to any developing young person, especially to neurodivergent youth struggling with rejection sensitivity. Rejection sensitivity is sensitivity to criticism and rejection and is common for neurodivergent individuals. The emotional response for this can be intense and reinforce the idea that you’re not good enough or no one likes you. To avoid the intense reactions in social settings, individuals may avoid certain situations, people, or events, which further perpetuates the anxiety cycle.
In addition to the intersection of masking and rejection sensitivity, masking in itself impacts the young person in several other ways. For most of the neurodivergent community, they have experienced having to “mask” in certain social situations to avoid judgment, criticism, and being labeled as weird or different. This unconscious masking leads to mimicking the people around them. This unconscious masking leads to mimicking the people around them instead of being their unique self. Due to possible sensory sensitivities (i.e., sound, lighting, smells, etc.), it could also be difficult to pay attention during the entirety of a conversation. This can lead to the unconscious development of a cognitive script, which helps the person process the interaction and conversation in real time. The downside to this masking, mimicking, and having a cognitive script is exhaustion. Not only can the social experience be draining, but mimicking others' behavior never seems quite right and after a while, you lose yourself. You lose yourself in the practice of fitting into the neurotypical world, which continues the cycle of anxiety, leading to an emotional breakdown or burnout.
So how does one interrupt the continuous anxious cycle and start to drop the mask? No matter the age, allowing a person to express themselves in ways outside the neurotypical norm allows the individual to use their creativity to work on communication skills and seeing perspectives other than their own. For some, these skills can be especially difficult within the neurodivergent community.
Unmasking can present in a couple other ways as well. It can look like stimming (repetitive physical movements or sounds as a form of self-soothing or self-regulation, such as rocking back and forth while standing, finger flicking, hair twirling, and knuckle cracking) in situations where one would typically refrain from doing so. Taking the mask off can also look like choosing to be who you are and talking all about whatever interest you want! This allows you to be more comfortable and try something different, even if it may make some others uncomfortable.
Now what if you aren’t the one masking, but you have a loved one who does? You can support them to be who they are, whether neurotypical or neurodivergent, by allowing them to express themselves in the way that is natural for them. Every person is unique and, if embraced for who they are, may have an opportunity to explore within and strengthen their confidence in that uniqueness. Working towards acceptance of people that are different from us helps us to release the control of making others fit into the box we think they should fit into, and helps the person who is masking drop the need to fit in. Perhaps try it out - embrace others for their “weirdness,” listen to what they have to say and what they’re interested in, and maybe you will learn something new about how windmills work or full details on the Great White Pelican, or maybe just meet an interesting new person. As you embrace others, try taking your mask off and showing the world who you really are too!
“Better to embrace the discomfort of being different than the comfort of fitting in.” -Ogwo David Emenike
1. White, Rachel, et al. “The ‘Batman Effect’: Improving Perseverance in Young Children.” Child Development, The Authors, 2016, pp. 1–9.
This post was written by Alexis Lynch, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in the State of Florida. She has experience in working with the neurodivergent community, anxiety, depression, relationship issues, self-esteem, career counseling, and more. Alexis offers virtual sessions and in-person sessions at our office in the Carrollwood area of Tampa. She can help children, teens, and adults. To schedule an appointment to work with Alexis for individual or couples work, you can click here to schedule online, email her at alexis@floatoncounseling.com, or call 813-515-9602.