Fear of Flying (Part 2): Why Your Fear of Flying Isn’t Really About Flying

 "Fear of Flying (Part Two): Why Your Fear of Flying Isn't Really About Flying"

As a specialist in working with anxiety, I often work with anxious fliers. They typically fit into one of two categories. They either do fly—occasionally, but only when they have to—and sort of fight their way through it with a lot of discomfort. Or they avoid flying altogether. They sometimes struggle to know why they’re “afraid of flying” when they rationally know how statistically safe the activity is.

I sometimes see reels or TikToks that speak to the fear of flying. They’re often pilots providing education on flight safety and turbulence. They normalize certain sounds and sensations and aim to help people understand that flying and all the stuff that comes along with it is very safe. That’s all well and good—and in many cases does help quell certain fears—but they’re missing one really important thing. It’s usually NOT about the plane. Your fear of flying isn’t really about flying. Most of us already know how statistically safe it is to fly. We know that turbulence, although sometimes unsettling, is normal and that airplanes are equipped to handle most everything they might encounter on a flight. What a lot of people don’t realize quite yet is that it isn’t the airplane or the act of flying that they’re actually afraid of. It’s more about the lack of control, the inability to escape, or fear of how the body or mind might react once the doors are closed and they’re up in the air. The anxiety, then, is more often rooted in the experience of anxiety itself.

It’s Not the Plane, It’s the Panic

If it’s not about the airplane, then how does this sort of fear develop? Many (but not all) anxious fliers have had some sort of bad flying experience in the past. Something on the flight triggered their anxiety (or a full-blown panic attack)—whether a sudden sense of claustrophobia, a jolt of turbulence, or even just an intrusive thought. This then creates a new association—a kind of link in the brain. Flying = anxiety. This new pathway is often hard to escape, making the flier uneasy about the thought of putting themselves in that kind of fearful situation again. In other cases, you’ll find that even if the anxious flier hasn’t had any sort of negatively impactful flight in the past, this just curiously developed over the years. Ask them more questions, though, and you’ll see that the same fear that comes up on an airplane shows up in other areas of their life where they’re in situations where they can’t easily escape—the dentist’s chair, being stuck in traffic, or in the middle of a crowded venue. In these cases, it’s clear to see that it’s less about the setting and more about what that setting represents. It’s the restriction. The sense of being “locked in” with no easy escape. The body’s survival system doesn’t always respond well to not being able to protect itself if needed and will sometimes signal an alarm even when there is no true threat present.

What This Means Then

Understanding that our fear is rooted in something deeper and different—the loss of control and the fear of fear—allows us to understand how we begin to approach this situation. Although confronting this fear will ultimately involve needing to board a plane, it’s more about understanding how our anxiety works and changing our relationship to it. Being less reactive to it.

So What Do We Do About It?

Effectively addressing flight anxiety (or any anxiety) starts with understanding what’s really going on beneath the surface. It’s about learning how and why anxiety shows up in certain situations—especially those that involve perceived restriction or loss of control. From there, the work involves changing how we relate to anxiety itself. That means noticing the patterns that keep fear alive: like avoidance or over-preparation, and developing new ways of responding when discomfort arises. Through a process of education, practice, and exposure, we can teach our brain and body that anxiety is not something to fear or escape from. And although this process may eventually include getting on a plane, the real work begins long before takeoff.

The Good News

The fear of flying is not a life sentence. With the right tools, education, and evidence-based therapeutic interventions, people very often find real relief.

Where to Go From Here

If you missed it, read "Fear of Flying (Part 1): What This Series is and Why it Matters"—or move on to Part 3 of the Fear of Flying Blog Series.
Check out the full Willing to Fly Workbook.
If you’re not quite ready or if you want to make sure that the workbook will be a fit for you first, download the free 9-page Takeoff Starter Guide.
Explore therapy or coaching options with Joel Schmidt, Licensed Therapist and fear of flying specialist.